


Not To Be

by phyrestorm



Category: Starfighter (Comic)
Genre: Angst, Backstory, Bad stuff happens, Grief/Mourning, Idiots in Love, Letters, M/M, Mysteries Explained, Sacrifice, Sad, Suicide, not sexy, unpopular ships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-14
Updated: 2014-12-14
Packaged: 2018-03-01 12:07:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2772440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phyrestorm/pseuds/phyrestorm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm always looking for a challenge when I write, and a believable Abel/Praxis pairing is certainly a challenge at this point.  Please let me know whether you think I pulled it off, and if not, what I did wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not To Be

My Dearest Abel,

Please forgive me. 

It was supposed to be you and Cain. I know because I took advantage of my privileges as one of Bering's aides, along with my hacking skills and cover as just another dumb Fighter, to try and find out what the hell was going on with Cain. Other than being a controlling psychopath.

I was going to tell you what I'd found, of course. Forcibly accost you again if I had to, even though I knew you probably wouldn't believe me. But I didn't get the chance. 

Barely two hours after I finally pieced it all together, we were part of a boarding party on our way to a Colteron mothership. They didn't even tell us the point of that mission. 

I wish I could believe it was worth it.

You and I came back. Cain and Ethos didn't.

Poor chirpy, annoying, kind-hearted Ethos. He deserved so much better. 

I don't know what the hell the commanders were thinking when they assigned us together, but I thank God every day that they did. Being with you was even more amazing than I'd imagined. Even through your grief, you were the best partner, friend, and lover I could ever ask for. After Techne was killed, I thought I'd never feel happiness again. Our 107 precious days together proved me wrong.

I can never thank you enough for that. I wish we could have gone on like that forever, but it's obviously not to be.

I know it hurt you when I insisted we keep it platonic at first, and I'm sorry. I had to be sure you were really ready. You know what I think of Cain, but you loved him and I had to respect that. 

If I ever had any doubt, it evaporated a week ago when that crippled Colteron raider crashed into our hangar bay and that grimy grey figure crawled out. I think I knew even before I saw a spike of black hair or heard the first Russian curse.

I swear the bastard is immortal. Can't fault his timing, though. I'd kept digging for information and I knew what I had to do by then. I just couldn't bring myself to leave you.

The look on your face, how you ran to him, how you held each other, were all I needed to see. 

Did you even notice what else fell out of that disintegrating ship? Did anyone? Was I really the only one out of the dozen or so witnesses who wasn't completely absorbed into the Dramatic Return of Cain?

No one made a move to stop me as I approached the other, smaller figure and shook it gently. In a daze, I slung it over my shoulders, stumbled toward medical, then stopped for some reason at my room-- _our_ room, though you don't even come back to sleep anymore--and turned the shower on it until pale pink skin and blond curls started showing through the grit.

I refused to believe the medics at first. How could Ethos NOT still be in there somewhere? He was breathing, his eyes were open, he was even sitting up on his own! I kind of lost it and they had to sedate me. When I woke up, he hadn't moved an inch.

Apparently they've seen this before in some of the few POWs recovered from the Colterons. He can understand words and obey commands, but his personality is gone. Erased. If no one tells him what to do, he just sits and stares at nothing.

But his Navigator training should be intact, and that's all we need for what we have to do.

We're going to end this war, Abel. Right now. Me and a zombie. 

We're going to blow the fuck out of the nearest Colteron base. Yes, that's all it will take. They've been trying to negotiate a surrender for over a year now. Once it becomes obvious that we could destroy them completely, they'll give up on setting conditions.

This war was won long ago. The Admiral and several other commanders, including Bering and Cook, are just waiting until they can secure the patents and drum up a market for more Colteron technology before declaring victory.

It's all about the money. Everyone who's been hurt or killed in the past year, everything they put you through with Cain and the jump drive...it was all about the fucking money.

Like I said, it was supposed to be you and Cain. You were supposed to end the war with a dramatic demonstration of the jump drive, which they'd then make available for the low, low price of solar-system-wide domination and the Alliance's soul. If it killed you, too bad. They could easily come up with a cover story, and audiences love a martyr.

Encke screwed up their first attempt. He saw what was happening to Keeler and tore the backs of their seats apart with his bare hands to get to him before the fucking thing drained his life away.

That's why they recruited Cain. They wanted someone who could make you love him so much you'd die for him, then sit and watch while you did just that.

If you're reading this, that means the truth has already been broadcast to every ship in the fleet and every media outlet in the system. I'm sure you'll be hearing all the details soon if you haven't already.

It also means what's left of Ethos has gotten us in position. There's just the final dive now. 

You see, they planned for something like this. In the early days, just in case things started to get out of hand and they had to end it quickly. They armed a small number of Starfighters, including the Tiberius, with warheads powerful enough to obliterate a small planetoid. Like Euclid, where most of the recent Colteron attacks have been coming from. 

Very few people know that. Even fewer know the launch codes, and I'm not one of them.

We're going to have to deliver this thing in person.

Abel, I am so sorry.

Please don't blame yourself. The truth is, deep down, I've been waiting to die ever since I lost Techne. I owe you my life anyway, and I'm not just doing this for you. By ending this now, I can save thousands of our soldiers who would have been used up and thrown away. Not to mention exposing some of the worst war criminals of all time.

For what it's worth, I found no evidence that Cain knew the full extent of his "duties" regarding you. He'd sacrifice just about anyone else, but even I can see he loves you in his own fucked up way.

I hope he can care for you like I tried to.

I've armed the bomb. We'll be entering Euclid's atmosphere in 3...2...1...now.

Goodbye, Abel. I love you so much.

Honored to have been yours,

Praxis

**Author's Note:**

> Cain was really dead in my original idea for this story, but that just didn't work somehow. "I swear the bastard is immortal" indeed. So I killed off poor noble Praxis and sweet Ethos instead. I'm not sure what that says about me. xP
> 
> Also, this one is DEFINITELY not related to any ongoing fics.


End file.
